We Share Everything Nothing
I have been parenting for about twenty years. I am so SICK AND TIRED of sharing that if someone takes ONE MORE THING of mine I am going to Crazy Glue them to the wall, load my Nerf gun and shoot—repeatedly.
I’m not kidding.
Teaching my children how to share, meant that I had no choice but to model good behaviour. It’s one of those unwritten rules. But, as my kids are entering their teens, I would like to revise my contractual obligation to them.
Mine. Yours. Mine. Mine. Mine.
Daily Good, suggests that “sharing fosters trust and cooperation, and contributes to personal well-being”. Sharing releases oxytocin, which creates feelings of goodness and personal well-being. “Those people on an “oxytocin high” can potentially jumpstart a virtuous circle, where one person’s generous behavior triggers another’s.”
How sweet.
How sweet.
That is not how it goes in my house.
“Where is my mascara?” I ask, in a loud but pleasing voice.
“I don’t know,” says L.
“I didn’t take it,” says F.
“Oh…here it is. Sorry Mom.”
“You’re sorry?! I was about to leave the house with naked eyelashes. What do you think people would say about me? I’d have to wear dark glasses.”
“Mom, calm down, I think you’re over-reacting.”
“Over-reacting?! Don’t touch my stuff!!” (I pick up my Nerf gun just to be sure she’s gotten the point.)
The one-way street of sharing that I live on, does not produce oxytocin. NO, instead my system is flooded with cortisol. Cortisol, often referred to as a stress hormone, is essential to the maintenance of homeostasis, which, I've heard, is essential to life. Research has shown that an inability to maintain homeostasis can lead to disease or death. Death and life are mutually exclusive.
Do you have any idea how prolonged, elevated levels of circulating cortisol effect a person? Remember the Tasmanian Devil—the one that tornadoed through life in “Bugs Bunny”? Yeah. It’s pretty much like that.
In my world, one person’s “cortisol high” can jumpstart a vicious cycle, where one person’s belligerent behaviour triggers another’s. Nerf bullets flying so fast and furious that even the cat—who normally chases and retrieves the bullets—goes into hiding.
Well Mr. Spock, I call bullshit! Maybe that works down in Vulcan, or wherever you’re from, but here in Calgary if I inadvertently share my winter coat with my daughter, I will freeze my ass off later in the day. I can assure you that frostbitten buns will not make me feel like I have more. (Note: I know that Mr. Spock is not a real person, and that Leonard Nimoy has died…but you get my point—when we share our things with others, we have less. That’s basic math.)
If you have permission to use something that doesn’t belong to you, and you give it back—that’s sharing.
If you take something that isn't yours, and never return it—that’s stealing.
Stealing is illegal and immoral. Morality is everyone’s concern. If I punish my children for taking my stuff, I’m just instilling a moral code, making the world a better place.
If you take something that isn't yours, and never return it—that’s stealing.
Stealing is illegal and immoral. Morality is everyone’s concern. If I punish my children for taking my stuff, I’m just instilling a moral code, making the world a better place.
My daughter F has the same defense every time she helps herself to something of mine. “You weren’t even using it!” she accuses. I find it difficult to use my mascara, winter coat, shoes, jewelry, clothes, and scarves 24/7. But, I am considering making a jacket that I can wear that holds all of my stuff, so that people can’t take it. A modern-day bag-lady. Over my ensemble, I will wear one of those banners across my chest, like they do in beauty pageants, but instead of saying Miss Congeniality, mine will read MissPlaced.
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| Modern day bag lady, aka- Me. |
Robert Munsch, a favourite children’s book author, wrote a book called, “We Share Everything”. We read it many times when the kids were little. Like most of his writing, it was ridiculously fun.
Two children in kindergarten had difficulty with sharing.
Two children in kindergarten had difficulty with sharing.
“The teacher came running over and said,
“Now LOOK!
This is Kindergarten.
In kindergarten we share.
We share everything.””
(Robert Munsch)
My new contract sounds like this:
“Now LOOK!
This is menopause.
In menopause we don’t share.
We don’t share anything.
Now, back away.”
